Over The Edge

, , September 10, 2007 (0 comments)

This is most likely not what you're meant to do in class when the teacher doesn't show up immediately, and when you're being semi-covered by another teacher in the department, but it only took me five minutes to do, so why not?

What use if life when it is surrounded by failure?
By death?
By suicide?

Are we meant to follow our peers example?
Is it purely a test of how mentally strong we are?
Everything is so fucking worthless.

Are we meant to be pushed to the limit?
By lust?
By death?

What are we meant for?
Is the plan in life for future?
Or just for death?

Why does lust exist?
To cause annoyance?
Or to give hope?

What does annoyance cause?
Death?
Suicide?

Ad the endless teasing pushes it further,
Pushes it over the edge,
Pushes you into the fall.

Why Love Matters

, , August 24, 2007 (3 comments)

Dearly beloved, are you listening?
I can't remember a word that you were saying
Are we demented?
Or am I disturbed?
The space that's in between insane and insecure
Oh therapy, can you please fill the void?
Am I retarded?
Or am I just overjoyed?
Nobody's perfect and I stand accused
For lack of a better word and that's my best excuse

Jesus Of Suburbia — Green Day, American Idiot.

So, in the previous question, Jamie posed a question:

Dude, at the end of the day having a boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t everything. It’s a damn fine thing when you’re in a relationship and you’re really happy, but the sad truth is, most teenagers who are in relationships aren’t happy and end up getting hurt. At the end of the day, do you need a partner to be happy in yourself? Most people don’t, although some do. I guess it depends how you look at it.

So why have I posted so much about love? Maybe my previous post was unclear. Maybe it just made it sound as if I just wanted to go out with someone. The reality is neither of those.

What annoys me is the fact that everyone else seems to be in love, reminding me of my past (and current) failings (see the latter of the above posts), which drives me back into the feeling of hopelessness. But how, you ask, will having a boy/girlfriend not make me think of the same things? My mind will be beyond such things. I doubt I'll be acting as hopelessly as I am now, regardless of whether I made the move or not.

Love, life me up out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you

Elevation – U2, All That You Can't Leave Behind.

It's about moving on from the past. It's about lifting me up out of depression. It's about the future.

Knives

, August 21, 2007 (3 comments)

I sit, looking at the rack of kitchen knives in front of me. Many of them are thicker than my wrist. Surely it wouldn't be hard to cut it open enough to bleed to death? What use is my life? It'll never come to anything meaningful. A bachelor stuck in a room working on web standards for his entire life. What fucking use is that?

Here I am, surrounded constantly at school by friends with their boy/girlfriends, yet too hopeless myself, and far too unappealing to anyone. Why do a large number of girls shout my name whenever they see me? WHY!? Trying to make an asshole of me? Trying to annoy me? What do they seek to achieve? And why only noticeably to me? It's hardly as if I've ever had anything to do with the majority of them!

There again, slitting wrists is awfully risky. Far too likely to fail. I should probably find a better way, whether it be jumping off some high building or something more adventurous.

And then, at school, if I'm bullied again, whose side will my friends take? It seems far too likely they'll take the bully's side. Everyone hates me anyway. I mean, it's hardly as if they actually give a shit about me, no matter what they say.

Maybe I am a little paranoid? So fucking what? Does it change the likely facts? I doubt it. I've been mistreated so much it seems freakin' unlikely anyone actually likes me. Those knives just look so tempting. I really must find a better way to go, though.

Standard Grade Results

, , August 7, 2007 (3 comments)

So, today the SQA results finally came out on paper (I had chosen not to get them online, as where is the fun and excitement of pressing a button?)…

Standard Grade Computing Studies 1
Standard Grade English 1
Standard Grade French 1
Standard Grade Mathematics 1
Standard Grade Physics 1
Standard Grade Classical Studies 2
Standard Grade Geography 2
Standard Grade Latin 2

For those wondering: "1" is the highest, and "7" is effectively a fail (though you can't be so politically incorrect so to call it as such).

Un Ménage A Trois

, June 30, 2007 (0 comments)

"A household of three" (a literal translation of the above) commonly appears in fiction, but many say it should not enter into reality. Whether it is wrong or not is far clearer when both partners are of the same gender, but what if they are not?

Importantly, why is it wrong when they are both of the same gender? They conflict with one another. Every bisexual I have ever spoken to about this agrees the same thing: men and women are different. It's something that is, in my experience, very hard for monosexuals to grasp, simply as from their experience anybody they are attracted to conflicts with anyone else they are attracted to.

Therefore, it can be said that boyfriends and girlfriends conflict in a single manner: attention (e.g., time, money). These can be dealt with in most cases by simply giving both partners equal attention, ideally spending twice as much time and money as would be done with a single partner.

If done properly, it is possible to have two partners, one of each sex, without either ever infringing on the other.

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